To love endlessly. To learn from the past year. To embrace the New Year and all the changes that have scared me, shook me, moved me, and shaped me into the woman I am today.
With the New Year approaching, many are starting to think about their New Year's resolution. Mine: to not have one. I don't want one. It's my set up to failure. The "timely" pressures are unhealthy for me at this point in life, ha-ha. I just want to focus on love: Loving Jesus, loving my husband and children, and loving people. Even the ones hardest to love.
In the past four years I have learned a lot about myself, and mainly that I know very little. But most importantly that time is gold. It is valuable, and so precious, especially when you have children of your own. I mean, seriously, I've been out of Orlando for almost 4 years?!?! Parker is almost 2 and we're having blessing #2?!?!? Time, it's gone in the blink of an eye. So, please, allow me to rant for a moment. It will all come together. I think.
I love calendars. I love to see days filled with fun things to do. I like to highlight them. It makes me feel busy and important, but honestly, I rarely attend or go to these "events". There's something about seeing it on my calendar that I like, but let's get things straight... I'm really not that big of a deal. We rarely go out, unless it's my routine runs to Chickfila, Target or Publix, and we don't have a lot of friends. Poor me, right? Ha-ha. That's so opposite to how I feel. I have been extremely blessed to stay home with Parker. My time has been busy watching P grow, take his first steps, and talk. He really is something else. I've spent my time changing "bombs", as P refers to them, laughing and kissing boo boos. I've had my fair share of sleepless nights (and many more ahead of me), but it's part of being Mommy. I've never worried so much in my life than I have the past 2 years. I will probably gray sooner than I thought I would, and my shirts will never go unstained. I may never have peace in the shower or bathroom again for the next 5 years, but I'm okay with that. Time flies by way too fast and I have been so fortunate to see every moment of Parker's life. I've been plenty busy but not by events on my calendar, but rewarding time being Mom. So...
Since moving here, a lot has changed; I have changed. Change for me didn't happen often. I know people and circumstances changed, but I had never experienced it. When I was in Orlando my life had routine, and every one I was with or knew were the same family and friends. When people/close friends moved away and changed, I couldn't wrap my mind around why. Now, I do. I understand every bit of it. I know the feeling of being away from people you love the most. I know what lonely really feels like. Everything I was rooted in at home was ripped right out of the ground. In my mind, I really thought I'd find my place here, dig a hole and plant myself right where I left off. It was going to be marvelous. I set myself up for disappointment. It was a challenging time in my life, but sadly, a big waste of time. I realized I never knew how to handle change and boy did it take a toll on me. I didn't want to invest in anyone here. I made a small attempt at friends because I'd rather give my time to people who were out of reach. It was silly.
This past year I have learned to grasp change, accept that we change as people, as parents, and that life isn't about measuring up to who people think you ought to be. I am me, and I have become that person because of Jesus and my experiences in life. It all has had a role in shaping my life. I am a Child of God. I am a mother. I am a wife. And, I have a family that needs my time and attention. There is no time to waste on pettiness, circumstances I cannot change and unnecessary drama. These things are so unrelated to my focus in life. Time is so precious and too often spent hurting people we say we love the most. So... onto a new year! Onto a better year of loving and making memories that matter.
2012 has been a wonderful year of learning, and watching Parker become his own. He's one of the smartest little boys I know, with a personality that would make anyone smile. His heart is big, and I'd say he's one of a kind. Mommy and daddy are so excited for 2013, and the expected arrival of Baby Brother in February. We cannot wait to see Parker's face! However, there are so many more things to look forward to, and we can only pray that God is more evident in everything that takes place this New Year!
Happy New Year to all of our family and friends! May you laugh a little more, and love like never before in 2013!
