This past week has been extra challenging. No reason. Nothing out of the ordinary. Parker seems to be testing us a little more than usual. He's becoming his own person. He's begging for boundaries on a daily basis. I've never been so constant with discipline. It's exhausting and the endless no's, time outs, warnings and spankings make me feel like a mean mom. Ever been there?
Lately, I've been asking myself, "am I being too hard on him? Am I expecting too much?" He knows better. He knows right from wrong. He knows what he's doing is unacceptable, especially when he voluntarily puts himself in timeout. Yes, I just said that correctly. Three times this week. THREE. He ran himself right to timeout. I chuckle. It's funny because he's smart. He'd rather take a seat than a spoon.
My thoughts about parenthood and the reality of it have once again proven to be opposite. Most women like to think of all the wonderful aspects of having children: dress up, adorable photos, giggling and family vacations. I experience these moments, and they're wonderful. They are. We love to go places and make memories. But, day in and day out we struggle to find them. We see a lot of teasing back and forth, disobedience, fussiness, crying and tantrums. It's work trying to make two fully-energized little boys happy, with an effort of trying to feel in control, stress free and organized. And then, somehow adding to the chaos, these cute little tornados manage to find every spot you've tried cleaning (and felt a small amount of accomplishment for the day) and trashed it or dirtied it again. The attempt feels good, but the aftermath just feels like wasted time. Why try to clean a mess that'll look the same minutes later. It's a never-ending battle, and quite frankly, will be for the next several years. I just tell myself often, "don't sweat the small stuff."
So, back to this false perception of parenthood. When I was starting to have kids I thought of all the things new mom's think of: names, nursery, and clothes. All of their firsts and the baby book. Visiting with family and friends. Play dates. But what about discipline? And what to do when it starts?
Terrible two's were rare in our home with Parker. He has always been fairly easy. Even at the age of three, it's never hit "terrible" status, but it has gotten more challenging. For the most part, I've always felt in control, disciplined to the best of my knowledge and it's worked for us most of the time. But lately, he's trying to figure things out on his own. He's taking matters into his own hands with Reid. He feels like he has the authority to do so; The authority to correct Reid's behavior. It's cute, but often times it's not. And "no" is his favorite word. To everything.
I was warned by a few moms about this phase; that it comes rather quickly, and you'll feel like all you do is discipline. It's constant. I think we've entered it. It's emotionally tough for me as a mom. I found myself whispering under my breath, "where did my little Parker go? The one who didn't need timeouts or spankings?" It's a positive experience. He's learning. I'm learning. He's trying to solve problems on his own. He's becoming more independent, and with that comes boundaries. All kids need boundaries.
I'm trying to figure out where to step in and where to watch; when to communicate and when to be silent. I want him to figure things out on his own (of course, what a 3-year old is expected to know--they're smarter than we give them credit for sometimes), and in his own little way without me trying to draw it out every step of the way. I think it's healthy for them. I can only hope that we've taught the basics, and that he'll know going into situations what is right and what is wrong.
Parker's using Reid to help him understand a lot lately. No, it's not okay to poke him in the eye for the fifth time today, or take every toy away from him because you want it and have the strength to do so. The same goes for Reid. He's done his fair share of testing, teasing and hitting. Surprisingly, he's made Parker cry a few times.
It's hard to be the referee. I never considered the tougher details of becoming a parent. They'd come with time, right? Well the time has come. These are small matters, I know. This is nothing compared to what will come in later years, but it's eye opening. Every phase of parenthood comes with something new and different to learn, and I feel like we are just now entering a new phase.
I really try not to sweat the small stuff, like a dirty house 24-7, sticky fingers everywhere, dirt drug in by shoes, and the tower of laundry that's been unfolded a hundred times because I haven't had the time or effort to put them away the first time. It's all minor details that I "try" not to make a big deal. However, it's the teaching of Jesus, the consistency with discipline, respect for others, manners and rules that mean so much more. It's the shaping of these little people that will effect who they are and what they do. These matter to me. This is where I struggle. It's a long-term effect on our children, and I can only pray that God directs me every step of the way.
I'm not always sure I choose the best method of discipline. Time out again? Am I the only mom who raised my voice today? Will my boys think I'm mean? Did I even talk about Jesus today? Some days I just want to cry. And some days I do. Some days I want to pull my hair out, and other days I wouldn't mind locking myself in my room for an hour. I take a lot of deep breaths. Guilt is a mom's worst enemy. It will eat us alive. I've felt overwhelmed and emotional. I've felt like I've failed as a mom and a wife some days. It runs in cycles. Not every day. Not every week. It comes and goes. But this is a note to all moms--you are doing a great job. Right now. Right where you are, you're doing fine.
This is not my outlet to complain. That's not what I'm trying to do here. It's life, and it gets a little tough sometimes. We have great weeks. Really good ones, but lately it's just been exhausting. I've come to realize that it's normal. My life is normal. Your life is normal too. You aren't alone. We are all in this together. (It does help having a husband who understands, who encourages nights out, and who willingly takes on whatever he has to when he gets home to relieve me.) Some weeks are tough, and that's okay. The great weeks far outweigh the "busier", more challenging ones.
So momma... the tired, exhausted one out there, if you ever need an ear, I'm always a call or message away. I know that it can be encouraging to talk to moms who are in the same boat, or close to it. More importantly, God will give you strength, and we can pray and encourage one another! Remember, you're doing great, Momma!
